So heres what happened. I woke up one morning, put my nice fitted slim shirt on for work, and i noticed something. Something awful. My belly. Was I pregnant? I mumbled to myself seeing my buttons holding on for dear life. No i was just getting fat and looked unbelievably stupid. I physically had to go out and buy a new set of shirts....bigger ones. For all the wrong reasons.
Here's another thing that happened. I was walking back to my car carrying a bag of 10kg onions in one hand, other bits and bobs on the other. The car was about 5 minutes walk away. Whilst walking my arms, my friggin arms felt like dropping off my body, bowing on the floor and begging me to stop putting them through torture, asking me why Ali, why, why are doing this to us!
It was then I realised. I'm 34, I'm Bengali, i'm handsome, I look pregnant, and my arms couldn't cope with carrying a grocery bag longer than 3 minutes. This is fucking serious. I need to sort this shit out.
I got myself a plan together, join a gym, get a workout plan, get an iPhone App. But first, most importantly, I needed some gym clothes. So before any of that shit, i spent about 4 hours finding the perfect tracksuit bottoms, and coordinating gym shoes and top. I was set, step one completed.
Next, sourcing a gym. David Lloyd as i did before waaaay back in 2004? Fuck 10 years ago! Was that really the last time i worked out. Shit! Why am I getting old!! Okay i digress, nope, too expensive. So i found one much closer, much cheaper. Fitness4Less, less than 5 minutes drive, had the necessary equipment needed AND had a steam room and pool. Awesome. Paid up £165 for the year. Incentive is now there. Now needed a routine. After reading various blogs, posts, articles. I decided i needed to go right back to basics. I'm a noob, skinny noob. So read up and found a basic vague routing of compound exercises to build the foundation - squats, presses etc. But no details on sets, reps, weights etc, but within that article (Nerd's Fitness to Getting Bigger - awesome article) I found StrongLifts. I liked this guy. I liked this program. I liked how he explains things in a no nonsense way. So i decided fuck it, this is the program I'm going to do by the letter. No messing around, just follow it. So got the app, downloaded the spreadsheet.
Diet. Food. I resigned to the fact that after reading so many articles, One thing in common, mans got to eat to get strong. Simple as that. I looked at my diet. In fairness, m diet was actually quite healthy now that my job had changed at work. I realised what caused me to get so weak, get preggers, was the fact I ate no breakfast, no lunch, ate a ton of crisps, drank far too much fizzy drinks, and one medium size dinner. Junk food on the weekend. Late night restaurant curry on Friday/Saturday nights. Thats what got me weak and loss of weight. What gave me a belly was 6 weeks in Hamburg living next to a kebab place. Too many kebabs and no working out. Simple as that. 34 years old, metabolism isn't what it used to be. I got fucked. So now, major milestone for me now, 3 meals per day, clean meals. Junk food treat limited to once every fortnight. Plenty of water. Fruit snacks in between meals, and the high protein intake....2 litres of full fat milk per day. After my calories calculation, my maintenance calorie intake should be 2300, with my new diet, 2900. A caloric surplus 600.
So my average meal plan:
Breakfast - 2/3 egg omelette, green tea, cereal, Milk
Snack: Milk and Fruit
Lunch: Rice, meat/chicken/fish, vegetable, Lentils (when at work, Egg Sandwich on Brown Bread, Sushi Rolls and an Oat Bar)
Snack: Milk and Fruit
Dinner: Rice, meat/chicken/fish, vegetable, Lentils
Snack: Milk
And plenty of water in-between. I cannot do full gomad, (Gallon of Milk a Day) i don't think I'm lifting heavy enough yet to do it. So half gomad is okay for now. Luckily i am not lactose intolerant, have a tough stomach. But the bloating, and tough shits does take it toll some days!!
So i was proud of myself, everything prepared and ready to go. I just had to go to the damn gym and get started. You know thats the hardest. Ive had DOM's before. Its awful. I don't give a shit how careful you are, first time you train you get the pain ALL over. Its horrible. And knowing that, was the hardest challenge to get started. But i had to man up. I have a hairy chest, i call myself a mard. I looked at my gym pants....just mother loving do it you skinny piece of shit.
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